As per Ancient Hindu literature, there are different types of marriages in
accordance with the religious sanction and social acceptance (Brahma, Daiva,
Arsha, Gandharva, Asura etc). Among them, Brahma marriage is considered to be
the most appropriate marriage, and in today’s Indi, it is the most prevalent
one, although in a polluted form. We will see how. The general precepts of
Brahma marriage are:
- The father finds a suitable man and proposes the
marriage of his daughter to him – This part is still the same.
- The groom, bride and families freely concur with the
proposal – Quite often, in a
patriarchal society, girls have no say whatsoever in selecting their life
partners (forget about being engaged in supervised courtship). Their
parents and elders choose for them and they have to accept the proposal
and marry a person with whom they are unacquainted with (without any prior
interaction with the person or any consideration to their personal
choices).
- The two families and relatives meet at the marriage
venue and a Vedic marriage ceremony is conducted – However, marriages today are not simply Vedic
in nature which includes rituals around agni (“Saat Phere”), with the
hymns from the Vedas chanted. A wedding is not just a simple ceremony and
is getting more lavish with time and represents a classic case of
conspicuous consumption. It’s an event which is supposed to be shaped into
the greatest show in someone’s life. With an element of innovation, today
we have different types of weddings like themed weddings, fusion weddings,
destination weddings etc. (We can remember the extravaganza and the
sensational media attention at the weddings of Bollywood celebrities,
business tycoons, politicians etc.)
- No Dowry involved - Today, has been become deeply rooted within
the marriage system and has stubbornly resisted the mutation in its
socio-economic construct over the years (Just a few days ago in Greater
Noida, a greedy groom walked out of the wedding after
dowry demands of Rs 1 crore was not met. By this example, I mean to say
that many such incidences occur on a daily basis during the marriage
season).
Although the diversity of marriages has reduced since the
ancient time, the one type of marriage which was not considered religiously
appropriate (it is still socially acceptable) was Gandharva marriage.
In this type of marriage, the couple simply lives together out of love and
passion (mutual consent and freedom of choice were of utmost importance).
However, it was supposed to be an immoral one (originated and sustained from
lust). I will talk more about it at the end of this article.
And the one which was not only socially inappropriate but
also religiously forbidden was Rakshasa marriage – where the
groom forcibly abducts the bride against her will and her family’s will, which
is almost non-existent. Now, let us analyse a recent incident which has taken
place in Bihar (a regular occurrence in the region of Bihar and Eastern Uttar
Pradesh), which might seem to be very strange for rest of India. It reminded me
of “Rakshasa marriage” with some role reversals. A 23-year-old college student
was allegedly kidnapped and forced to marry a teenage girl at
gunpoint. Here, the bride’s family abducted the groom against his will. In
local parlance, this role-reversed “Rakshasa Marriage” is called ‘Pakadua
Vivah’ or forced marriage, where prospective bridegrooms are kidnapped
for marriage.
The main reasons for such marriages are:
Soaring Dowry
Demands:-
Bihar has a skewed sex ratio of 918 females per thousand
males. Despite this, the practice of groom kidnapping has been in place for a
long time now. It simply leads to the conclusion that the economics (dowry)
involved in marriages has ultimately led to the popularisation of this concept.
Bihar ranks second in the country, after its
neighbour Uttar Pradesh, when it comes to dowry-related cases.
India’s marriage market is very fluid and competitive and
the potential groom looks for the highest “bidder” in this market through their
social network. In a traditionally patriarchal society like in Bihar, marriages
have long become a money-minting enterprise for the boy’s parents, who consider
their kids’ education, job etc. as a dowry extracting tool. In such a
socio-cultural milieu, families without a socio-economic standing to arrange a
decent dowry go for desperate measures like abducting a suitable groom for
their daughter’s marriage.
Marriage has become a money market and everything is
being conceptualised in terms of economics; the whole process seems equivalent
to a tendering/bidding process which has stages like:
- Pre-qualification: Here, caste and religion are the most
important factors. Endogamy (marrying within one’s caste) has been
entrenched in our socio-cultural psyche; rather, we can say that it has
etched itself into our genetic system.
- Issuance of tender documents: It’s like a list of marriage proposals. Here,
we seek sufficient information about the groom/bride and their families.
Our social network plays an important role in it (digital social space
like social media and matrimonial sites also play a significant role).
- Review and award of tenders: Grooms from IITs/IIMs, Bank employees, Civil
Servants etc. all are evaluated on the basis of differential parameters.
For example, for IAS and IPS grooms, bidders are families
that have money but no power. It’s a gamble they take to associate with
the power that the groom symbolises.
- Awarding the contract: Regardless of the type of tender
procedure used, owners of projects also realise that the lowest tender or
price may not necessarily be the most advantageous. In the marriage
market, it is not the lowest, but the highest bidder who gets the
contract. The evaluation parameters for the “Best Value contract” include
caste, class, religion etc.
- Police’s Apathy And Incapacity Of The Groom’s Family
To Fight Legal Battles: Apart from being married against their will,
coercive power is also used to compel a marriage, ranging from outright
physical violence to psychological pressure. Despite this, it is very hard
to believe that such forced marriages rarely get nullified (one reason
could be the traditional regard for the marriage as an inward and spiritual
grace). It gives impetus to the perpetrators to continue to opt for groom
kidnapping (the easiest way of getting a suitable match) since they
presume that everything will be fine after initial hiccups. If the boy
wants to opt out of this forced union, he may suffer criminal charges
under the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961, and end up fighting lengthy legal
battles, which he can’t afford. Mostly the groom’s family is from a humble
background and they don’t want to get entangled into the judicial proceedings.
( There is an idiom in India:- “कोर्ट कचहरी के चक्कर में
कभी नहीं पड़ना चाहिए”)
- Societal Acceptance: It has gained social sanction among some
sections of the society (especially upper castes) where dowry demands are
high and “groom” career success is used as a money extracting tool. Over
the years, organised criminals (social groups) have become part of this
practice, as they carry out abductions for a fee and also ensure
post-marriage compliance by the groom. Thus, many such marriages go
unreported and often continue under fear of violence from these social
groups. The intellectual/educated people from the village simply don’t
care because there is a very high possibility of reconciliation at the
later stage. Many times, the boy’s family frets and fumes after the
marriage but only to raise a dowry demand (“एक बार सिंदूर
लग जाने के बाद उसे मिटाया नहीं जा सकता, तो कम से कम दहेज ही आ जाए”). Being assured their daughter is married
now, the girl’s parents are also willing to settle things by offering a
proportion of the usual dowry (economic value of the groom in the marriage
market) that they would have had to offer if the boy was not already
married.
- Such Kidnappings Display Awareness of Caste and
Class: An inter-caste ‘Pakadua
Vivah’ rarely takes place. Inter-caste marriage in the state is
still considered a social taboo and there is a big ‘no- no’ to inter caste
marriage despite the government doling out incentives up to Rs 1 lakh to
those breaking the social order. (However, it is not as intense as in
states like Haryana and UP where honour killings have been on the rise in
recent years due to young boys and girls choosing to marry outside their
caste). However, official figures for inter caste marriages do not
represent the true figure. Many such marriages are not reported as couples
do not come forward to avail the grant scheme. Fear of social ostracisation
is one factor that restraints couples going for inter-caste marriage to
take monetary assistance from the government. For example, last year a
young couple in Katihar had been ordered by a Panchayat to
pay Rs 50,000 as ‘tax’ (marriage tax?) for their inter-caste marriage and
had also been threatened if they failed to do so.
- A Social Compulsion to Marry: In a rural patriarchal setup, being
unmarried is considered unfortunate, shameful and demeaning eventuality
for a woman, reflecting badly on the woman herself, his family and village
as a whole. Hence, in almost all such cases, the villagers also extend support
to the girl’s family. Clearly, the societal acceptance of such marriages
has emboldened the families to take the law into their hands. Many times,
it is not as if the bride and groom don’t know each other in all the cases
of ‘Pakadua Vivah’. For example in the Nawada case, the bride
claimed that they knew each other for a long time and she also knew the
man’s family. Many times, couple develop a consensual physical
relationship, where the girl’s will and choice are taken on a promise to
marry. However, it does not work out due to varied reasons like- i)Boy
succumbing under familial and societal pressure. ii) Many times the
guy makes a false promise only to satisfy his lust. When the girl’s family
comes to know about it, they ensure that the groom follows through with
the wedding. Many times, it is occasioned by an unplanned pregnancy and it
serves to obscure the fact that the baby was conceived prior to marriage.
Also, India is still a largely conservative society where virginity is a
prized asset and a woman who’s known to have had pre-marital sex may find
it hard to get married. In such cases, “Pakadua Vivah” is considered a
moral imperative.
A pertinent question arises; to what extent can these
wrongdoings be justified under the guise of escaping torturous traditions like
dowry? And what about the human rights of the grooms? Would the response be
similar had it been the case with females; and if not so, can it be qualified
as gender-based discrimination? Look at the figures. More than 3,400 youths were kidnapped for forced marriage in
Bihar last year (especially in the “Lagan” season), as per official data.
Marriage is expounded as a communion of two souls on the
physical, mental, and spiritual planes. It is supposed to be a sacred duty that
entails both religious and social obligations including a commitment of
lifetime friendship, love, and loyalty. If we look at ‘Pakadua Vivah’ from
this angle, it looks like a game of probability where the groom can come to
loving and respecting his better half or not.
The concept of love derived from this kind of marriages
is a far cry from being a soulmate connection; because this imposed love is
derived out of fear. People accept it as their destiny and join the union
hesitatingly (a lifelong association beginning with traumatic experiences).
After marriage, they do fulfil their social obligations, but there is no
element of being sacred in this relationship. We often relate the consummation
of marriage as a spiritual experience and use keywords like a life force,
cosmic energy etc. in relation to it. But look at the disgust through the words
of a groom who was forcefully married: – “He was then locked up in a
bedroom with the bride and asked to consummate the marriage. The girl kept
telling her folks if I resisted her advances. I had to submit as they
threatened to have me killed. I felt violated and dirty both through the act
and later.”
Absence Of Inter
Caste Social Mobility And Restriction To Couple’s Mobility:-
A few months back, I had booked a hotel in Patna and for
the first time, I noticed a specific line written in the “Please Read” section.
It read,” No unmarried couples allowed” (However, this is not the case with
Patna/Bihar only). In small cities where there is a lack of public places likes
parks, malls etc., couples find it difficult to get some privacy and spend some
quality time together. Hotels deny rooms to unmarried couples because of the
fear of being judged and worry about the reputation of the hotel.
Sometimes, the local police also get involved and instead
of “legal policing”, what they do is “moral policing”. For example, a few years
back, 40 couples were dragged out of a hotel in Mumbai, by
the police because they were unmarried. Even police think that choosing to stay
together is not a personal choice and can’t be guaranteed under freedom of
movement; thus, they bring it into the category of immoral acts.
For girls’ in general, patriarchal traditions and unequal
gender norms limit their ability to express their voice and exercise their
choices. This discriminatory condition affects girls in many aspects of their
lives, including domestic chores, education, healthcare, psychological and
emotional health, and their ability to build social capital through a network
of friends and activities outside of the confines of their home. It also limits
their ability to make marriage decisions both in terms of when to get married
and who to marry. With so much of restrictions on couples’ (girls in general)
mobility, we can’t even think about the Gandharva marriages (modern love
marriages/inter-caste marriages). And the only option left is the “Brahma
marriage”, in its polluted form.
Inter-caste social mobility is not possible without
a social relationship. It is also found that
inter-caste marriages discourage dowry, destroy caste identity, and help in
bringing harmony and friendship among different castes Ambedkar had
termed it “revolutionary” as it directly attacks the edifice of caste
“endogamy”. Once endogamy is attacked and destroyed, the entire fortification
of the caste system will crumble. But is the change anticipated by Ambedkar
taking place?
Role of
Urbanisation And Modernisation:-
According to my understanding, inter-caste/love marriage
is a by-product of urbaniaation and modernisation. Bihar has not witnessed
urbanisation as states like Maharashtra or other developed states have. Bihar
is mostly a rural state (rural population – 88.71%), which provides a highly
localised worldview and a fertile soil in which caste can flourish. Compulsions
of urban life loosen the hold of caste and prevailing caste prejudices get
carried into cities and probably metamorphose into different shapes in vibrant
and multi-faceted city life. For example, cultural competence and tolerance
develop when a diverse set of values, norms, and traditions interact at the
workplaces (educational institutions, MNCs, Cinemas, restaurants etc) and
people imbibe diversity and multiculturalism in their socio-cultural ethos.
Thus, with the onset of modernisation/cosmopolitanism,
educational advancement and anonymity of modern urban life, people in the
middle class recast their social relations substituting family and caste
networks by friends and professional networks respectively. Apart from it,
access to films, TV and mobiles (internet, social media etc) are also catalysts
for this change. Being exposed to new ideas that challenge traditional social
mores, young people are more likely to focus on personality and compatibility
than caste and religion. Today, we also come across many matrimonial
pages/websites which have placed a column under caste/religion no bar. It shows
a denouncement of caste as criteria of marriage.
However, these changes come with a caveat. Recent changes
in socio-economic-cultural structure are empowering the bride and groom to
exercise their individual agency over the tyranny of traditional norms (a sort
of fresh version of Gandharva marriage – “love-cum-arranged marriage” and it
can be a panacea for evils like dowry). But, this “freedom to choose” is still
a family-mediated arrangement. On the surface, it looks like an open-ended
choice (where they can choose their life partner), but that space is still
claustrophobic in nature, being demarcated by our caste, class, religion and
background. In this way, the notion of choice has been integrated into the
notion of norms. We must not overlook the fact that societal changes do take
place in a gradual manner. Hence, it is a welcome step and is presumed to
rescript the marriage discourse in future.
Also read: Revamping Schools To Curbing Child Marriage: How An Ias
Officer Is Transforming Rajasthan
As far as ‘Pakadua Vivah’ is concerned,
changes are taking place and people are becoming aware of the consequences of
groom kidnapping. Many such marriages ended with the brides being abandoned but
due to the improved law and order situation, the abductors are being arrested.
Most of the so-called “social gangs” who used to carry out this groom
kidnapping are now able to find other dignified employment opportunities.
Thus, better policing and employment opportunities can
help society in getting out of the quagmire of crime. On the behavioural front,
the state government is also taking the necessary steps. Last year, the world’s
longest human chain” comprising of 13,660 persons was formed in Bihar. It was a
symbolic event to make people stand up against the social evils of the dowry
and child marriage. The chief minister had also flagged off 38 “Abhiyan Jagrukta” raths for all 38
districts of the state to raise awareness among the masses on the issues. Such
events will play a significant role in changing human behaviour.
Bihar has nurtured and spread the light of knowledge and
wisdom not only in the country but in the whole world for thousands of years.
The works of many scientific thinkers like Aryabhata, Panini, Varahamihira,
Bhaskara and Brahamagupta can be traced to the land of Bihar. On its soil,
great personalities like Buddha, Mahavir, Guru Gobind Singh, Mahatma Gandhi
(Champaran satyagraha) had worked and transformed the society. To regain that
lost glory, it is necessary to get rid of such social evils.
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